THERE’S AN ACTUAL GIGANTIC FUCKING MILLIPEDE JUST FUCKIN CHILLIN ON MY WALL BUT IT’S LIKE RIGHT NEXT TO THE CEILING AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO I ACTUALLY STARTED CRYING BECAUSE I’M FUCKING TERRIFIED OF IT AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO AND THIS IS THE SECOND I’VE SEEN IN MY ROOM IN THE PAST WEEK AND HOLY FUCKING SHIT I CAN’T GO TO SLEEP UNLESS IT’S DEAD BUT IT’S NOT MOVING BUT IT’S TOO FAR AWAY OH MY GOD I AM SO SCARED OF THESE CREEPY FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I’M TYPING THIS AS I ATTEMPT TO CONVINCE MYSELF TO GO GET A KITCHEN CHAIR TO GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO KILL IT BUT I’D HAVE TO ALMOST TOUCH IT OH MY GOD THIS IS THE WORST THING EVER JESUS FUCKING CHRIST IF I JUST SHIT TALK IT VIA TUMBLR TEXT POST DO YOU THINK IT’LL JUST DIE FUCKING HOLY FUCK FUCK YOU YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT I HOPE THERE’S A MILLI/CENTIPEDE APOCALYPSE AND YOUR ENTIRE KIND JUST DIES FOREVER BECAUSE YOU’RE THE ACTUAL WORST WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY DO I’M MAINLY SCARED TO TRY AND KILL IT ‘CAUSE I KNOW I’M GONNA FREAK OUT LAST SECOND AND IT’S GONNA MOVE AND I’M GONNA SCREAM AND SUE AND MATT ARE ALREADY ASLEEP AND SUE ALREADY WAS IRRITATED WHEN I MADE HER KILL THE ONE I FOUND ON SUNDAY FUCKINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
bird privilege is being able to make loud as fuck noises early in the morning without somebody calling the cops on you
if i have something on my face or lipstick on my teeth and you don’t tell me and you let me carry on that way you’re dead to me forever
I Was Trying To Be Funny But It Came Out as Really Mean: A 5-part documentary starring me.
one of my friends noticed a mosquito had landed on his bicep so he flexed and the rush of blood to his biceps muscle filled up the mosquito so much it exploded and to this day it’s one of the most badass things I’ve ever heard